Recently, Singapore’s Total Fertility Rate dropped to its lowest level in history.

There has been a lot of discussion about what policies the government should introduce, how expensive children are, and whether young couples can realistically afford to have kids today.

I thought I would offer a different perspective.

Not as a policymaker or academic, but simply as a father of three children.

Before I begin, I want to say something clearly.

I consider myself very lucky.

What I share here is not meant to be a silver bullet or a solution to Singapore’s fertility problem. But perhaps by reflecting on how I came to have three children, we can better understand what kinds of support systems make parenthood possible.

And maybe, just maybe, we can think about how society and communities can support families a little better.

The Biggest Reason I Could Have Three Children

If I am honest, the biggest reason (apart from my wife, of course) I could confidently have three children is my mother.

From the very beginning, I knew that she was willing to help take care of my children when they were young. She had experience caring for babies and was always ready to step in whenever we needed help.

That support made a huge difference.

Anyone who has raised young children knows how demanding those early years can be. Having someone you trust to help occasionally provides tremendous peace of mind.

But reflecting on this also made me realise something.

My situation may actually be quite rare today.

Many grandparents nowadays are still working. Retirement ages are increasing, and there are more opportunities for seniors to remain active in the workforce.

This is not a bad thing at all. Many seniors enjoy staying active and independent.

But it also means that the informal support system that many families relied on in the past is slowly disappearing.

If grandparents are unavailable to help, then the burden of childcare falls almost entirely on parents themselves.

And that can significantly affect a couple’s decision about whether to have children.

Should We Also Support Grandparents Who Want to Help?

This made me wonder whether there might be ways to support grandparents who are willing to help care for grandchildren.

Not as an obligation, but as an option.

Sometimes grandparents may genuinely want to help, but they feel they cannot afford to stop working or reduce their income.

Perhaps policies could explore ideas such as:

• modest caregiver allowances for grandparents
• CPF incentives for grandparents who provide childcare support
• flexible part-time arrangements for seniors who want to balance work and caregiving

The goal would not be to push grandparents into childcare.

Rather, it would be to give families more flexibility.

After all, if we truly believe that it takes a village to raise a child, perhaps we should also recognise the important role grandparents can play in that village.

Sometimes the difference between having one child and having two or three children may simply come down to whether families have that support.

Rebuilding the “Village” in Modern Cities

The old saying goes: “It takes a village to raise a child.”

But modern cities often feel like the opposite of a village.

Many parents feel like they must manage everything themselves:

• childcare
• work responsibilities
• sick days
• school schedules
• household management

Perhaps the conversation about birth rates should not focus only on policies and subsidies.

Maybe we should also think about how communities can support families again.

For example:

• neighbourhood childcare networks
• community-based caregiving support
• flexible childcare services
• shared support systems among families

If couples are willing to have children but feel they cannot cope alone, perhaps society can help bridge that gap.

The Cost of Having Children (and the Fear of the Unknown)

Another major concern that many people raise is cost.

From pregnancy check-ups to hospital delivery bills, having a child can be expensive.

But in Singapore, the story is a bit more complex.

Yes, the cost of living is high.

But Singapore also offers many opportunities to earn. Even if someone loses their job, there are often ways to recover through freelance work, gig economy jobs, or other income opportunities.

In that sense, Singapore still provides economic resilience.

I know this personally.

At one point in my life, I was retrenched while I already had three children.

It was not an easy moment. Any parent who has experienced job uncertainty will understand the anxiety that comes with it.

But Singapore’s economy is dynamic, and opportunities exist if we are willing to adapt and work hard.

Because of that experience, I still believe that economic opportunities exist here, even if the journey is sometimes difficult.

However, there is one aspect of cost that many parents fear.

Unexpected costs.

For example:

• complications during childbirth
• emergency C-sections
• unexpected medical treatments

These are not decisions parents choose to make. Yet they can result in significant financial stress.

This made me think about whether something like a “Stork Assurance” policy could exist.

A national framework that ensures parents will not face financial shocks due to childbirth complications.

Parents should feel confident that:

• childbirth risks are protected
• unexpected costs are covered
• starting a family will not derail their financial stability

Sometimes the biggest barrier is not the expected cost.

It is the fear of the unknown.

Should Support Be for “Working Mothers” or “Working Parents”?

Singapore has long had a policy called the Working Mother’s Child Relief (WMCR).

Historically, this policy was designed to encourage women to remain in the workforce after having children.

At the time, this made a lot of sense. Singapore wanted to support female workforce participation while families raised children.

But parenting today is increasingly a shared responsibility between both parents.

Fathers today are much more involved in caregiving than previous generations.

This raises an interesting question.

Should support for raising children be framed around “working parents” rather than only “working mothers”?

The goal is not to suggest that mothers should stop working.

Many mothers want to pursue their careers, and their contributions to the workforce are extremely valuable.

But families today have different circumstances.

Some families may prefer:

• both parents working
• one parent taking a temporary career break
• flexible arrangements during early childhood years

Perhaps good policy should support all these possibilities, rather than nudging families in one direction.

If support were structured around parents rather than mothers alone, it might better reflect the reality of modern parenting.

After all, raising children is not just a mother’s responsibility.

It is a family responsibility.

The Hardest Problem: Modern Society No Longer Needs Children

Even if we solve cost issues and childcare support, there is a deeper challenge.

Modern success.

In many ways, Singapore has become too successful.

In the past, children played an essential role in family life:

• helping with household responsibilities
• supporting parents in old age
• continuing the family line

Today, things are very different.

We now have:

• CPF retirement savings
• personal investments
• healthcare systems
• endless entertainment options
• travel opportunities
• hobbies and lifestyle choices

Children are no longer a necessity.

They are a choice.

And that choice often competes with many other attractive alternatives.

Some couples want to travel the world. Others want to pursue careers or enjoy personal freedom.

This is not right or wrong.

It is simply the reality of modern life.

We have reached a stage where having children is no longer required for survival.

And that may be the biggest reason fertility rates fall in successful cities.

What Having Children Has Given Me

Despite all these challenges, I want to share something personal.

Having children has changed my life in ways I never expected.

In fact, I sometimes feel that I have learned more from my children than they have learned from me.

Watching them grow, struggle, learn and explore the world has made my life richer.

Of course, there are difficult moments.

There are sleepless nights, frustrations, and plenty of scoldings along the way.

But when I reflect on the past twelve years as a father, what remains are the memories.

Memories that I know will stay with me when I grow old.

There is also something else that I have not shared widely.

Deep inside me, I have always felt that I do not want to simply live a life and quietly pass away one day.

I want to leave a legacy in this world.
I want to leave a mark.

For me, raising my children is part of that legacy.

Through them, I hope that something of what I believe in, what I have learned, and what I value can continue forward in the world.

My Honest Advice: Consider Having At Least Two Children

Let me share one observation that surprises many of my friends.

Some friends with only one child often tell me they feel extremely busy.

They ask me how I manage with three children.

My answer often surprises them.

Sometimes having only one child can actually be harder.

Why?

Because the child has only one source of interaction: you.

They want to play with you.
Talk to you.
Seek attention from you constantly.

But when there are siblings, something interesting happens.

Children begin to entertain each other.

They play together, talk to each other, argue, and make up again.

During the COVID lockdowns, I remember moments when my three kids were playing under the dining table together for half an hour. And yes, we survived in a three-room flat.

They were happy.

And I had a quiet half hour to myself.

That is something many parents with only one child rarely experience.

So if you are considering having children, it may be worth thinking about this paradox.

Sometimes having two children may actually make parenting easier than having just one.

A Gentle Invitation

This article is not meant to persuade everyone to have children.

Parenthood is a deeply personal decision.

But if you are sitting on the fence, wondering whether the journey is worth it, I simply want to share my experience.

Yes, raising children is difficult.

Yes, it requires sacrifice.

But it is also one of the most meaningful journeys life can offer.

In a world filled with endless entertainment, travel, and opportunities, raising children may seem like a difficult path.

Yet it is also a path filled with something rare.

Meaning.

And if you ever decide to take that journey, I sincerely hope it will enrich your life as much as it has enriched mine.